Dare180: Knocked Down

 Australia, 2017

Australia, 2017

Regrouping is hard. It is damn hard.

I have been metaphorically run over by a bus. The view under here is quite lovely as from this position you can see bullshit much more clearly when you’re sitting in it. In a matter of a few days all of the plans I made for myself through the end of this year have been effectively pushed off the table. Though I won’t go into details about my specific situation right now, I’m sure anyone who has worked hard and played by the rules only to have their ass handed to them and told to be grateful for the opportunity will understand how I feel right now. It has taken a lot of energy to keep myself from completely wallowing. It doesn’t change my Dare180 Challenge but it does change the scope of it. The only good thing I can see from this upset right now is that it is the perfect opportunity to try to implement one of the changes I wanted to make in myself: not letting roadblocks completely derail me.

 Who knew so soon in my challenge I’d have to come up against one of my greatest weaknesses?

I’m tired of the constant barely up and nearly always down of finding my footing as I try to blaze my own path in this life. It is ugly and my particular route is full of disappointment and heartbreak. I’m not unique, I’m sure, but the frustration and pain is my own to bear. I know the sooner I do begin dealing with it the better off I’ll be, but I think it is okay to take a moment to catch your breath when you’ve had the wind knocked out of you. I’m not sure I still know how to breathe. Okay, I’m being a little dramatic, but the feeling is real.

I think it’s necessary for me to share this moment with you as much as I can. It’s a part of the process and without it what I’m aiming to inspire would be hollow. I wish I could use these times as a power source. Level up someway and keep my stride no matter what gets thrown at me. I’m not strong enough yet. Not yet.